I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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