You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
