I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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