Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
