It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
