Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
