Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
