Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
