why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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