if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
