: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
