Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I could make wine with my vomit
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
