____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize