Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
