Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Soap is not a condiment
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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