I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
