What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
