I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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