carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
