All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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