Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
