I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
