I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize