We won't sleep together?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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