i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
