I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just high enough for therapy.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
