Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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