i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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