So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
