around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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