Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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