you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
