An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
