Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
