the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
