3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
