So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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