I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
