My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize