Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
