i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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