Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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