Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
