I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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