I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize