she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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