when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
