just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
