I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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