umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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