She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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