it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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