Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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