I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
