Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize