my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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