If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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