she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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