Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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