And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize