i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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