I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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