so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
