i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
