Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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