I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize