i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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