Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize