Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
