He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
