is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
