Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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