i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
