It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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