I have demons in me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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