my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Randomize
