soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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