You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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