I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
