Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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