Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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