I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
