So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
